Winter and Working with the Darkness

The winter is the time of year for turning inward, self-reflection, and self-care. As the days get shorter and the nights get longer, we can more readily observe the darkness both outside and within ourselves. By honoring the dark within, we can better know, trust and honor the totality of who we are. Intuition is about knowing one’s self. With the understanding of our internal darkness comes an ability to see the light of our true selves more clearly.

The dark within, put simply, represents the side of ourselves that we don’t typically share with others. The vulnerable or scared parts of ourselves that we protect. Our struggling inner child. Our heart-break that parts of our life didn’t turn out like we had hoped in younger years. We may feel it is dark, terrifying, or monstrous, but these feelings are just shadows on the wall. The core of this darkness comes from unclaimed sorrow and fear.

To cover over the origin point of heart-break and fear, we may choose unhealthy ways to avoid feeling this pain. These behaviors, in the form of addictions, habitual responses, or neurosis, often involve hurting ourselves or others through risky behavior or lashing out. For example, sometimes when I get anxious and on the edge of panic, I drink too much to make the uncomfortable feelings go away. This, of course, is not the best way to take care of myself when I am struggling. Behaviors that snuff out our feelings halt and deter emotional growth. Darkness begets more darkness. If we want to truly know ourselves, we must be brave and work with the parts of ourselves that are in pain.

In my more enlightened times, I am able to work with that same anxiety in a more positive way. For me, I like to work through the discomfort by painting on my walls, going for a walk, or meditating on the feeling itself. By working with our difficult emotions through modalities that nurture and heal, we can care for our precious selves in a way that no one else can. When we truly get to know these deeper parts of ourselves, rather than hide or ignore them, we can hold them in a more loving space. We can accept and understand more of what makes us unique. Darkness is seen for what it is. By understanding an unknown, the situation becomes simplified and fear around the darkness subsides. We can befriend every part of ourselves.

We will always have dark places within us that we prefer to keep hidden, but we don’t need to shame or punish ourselves for having them. We also don’t need to add to the darkness through tendencies and habits that create more suffering for ourselves and others. By embracing the totality of who we are, with both the light and dark, we can really know our complete selves. When we really know ourselves, trust arises. When we trust ourselves we naturally create the space to hear our intuition and inner guidance. And, of course, when we follow our intuition, we can live our most authentic life.

Contemplation:

We can choose to engage with painful emotions differently and to process them in ways that can enrich our spirit, mind, or body. Creative pursuits have always been a wonderful outlet for human suffering. Music, fine arts, crafts, home improvements, and cooking are all wonderful creative channels. Curiosity can also be your ally. Learning about your experience through books, movies, therapy, meditation, tarot or inner journeys can help you understand your darkness. Working through difficult emotions with your body can also provide catharsis. Physical movement – whether going for a walk, exercising, taking a bath, etc. – can shift emotional pain.

This winter, I would invite you to contemplate new ways to can take care of yourself when you are experiencing the darker aspects of your inner world. To start with this contemplation, identify an emotional trigger for you- whether it is as simple as being stuck in traffic or more complicated like engaging with a toxic family member. You can visualize being in the situation and observe your feelings and habitual responses. It may be driving erratically, lashing out at loved ones, or self-sabotage to get out of obligations.

Now think of something simple and realistic that you could do for yourself to make you feel better in those situations. Start by imagining just doing something (anything) different than your habitual response. It could be screaming alone in the car, going for a walk around the block, standing up for yourself, or having a private dance party to your favorite song. Then feel into what would actually work best for you in that situation. Use your intuition to discover the best tools for you to work with your darkness within. Find the right process for you so that when emotionally triggered, you are able to replace a behavior that could create more pain with something neutral or positive. Replace harm with care.