Practical Advice for Working with Overwhelm

Right now it seems everyone I know is feeling a strong sense of existential impending doom with the myriad of horrifying situations being thrown at us daily. When broken down into parts, the two primary components of this feeling are Fear and Overwhelm. 

While in this post we will be focusing on Overwhelm, for a more in depth exploration on working with Fear, please visit this post on exploring fear.

What Is Overwhelm? 

Overwhelm indicates a lack of capacity (not ability) to handle all the things on your plate. Work, school, family, kids, friends, diet/exercise, obligations, scheduled fun, self-care, therapy, social media posts, politics, spirituality, groceries, chores, dishes, bills, all the things that just keep coming every week and month without ever stopping. No wonder we are so overwhelmed in our culture! Everything seems to be coming at us faster and faster while our ability to juggle it all stays the same. Inevitably a ball (or five) gets dropped. And then we feel bad about ourselves for not being a superhero. Overwhelm is not helpful for positive self-esteem. 

When feeling overwhelmed it is important to simplify and focus on what you can control in your life rather than what you can’t. We can’t always control the losses in our life -  job loss from downsizing, loss of our home from natural disaster, family members passing away, and friends moving out of the country. But we can control small things in our day to day life. 

Getting Ahead of Overwhelm: 

Below is a list of ways you can work with overwhelm. The first three on the list help with day to day overwhelm. The rest are suggestions and activities related to curbing existential overwhelm. Pay attention to the ones that feel workable or spark your interest. Feel free to take or leave any or all of them. 

• Simplify. Overwhelm is often an indicator that there is too much going on in your life. You may feel like there isn’t enough time or energy to handle everything you need to.  If there’s too much on your plate, see what can be delegated or put on the back burner. Try to only focus on one task at a time. If you simplify your world, you have more bandwidth for self-care and caring for others. 

  
  

• Learn to say “no”. This can be super hard, but is essential when we have too much going on. If you feel you need an excuse to say no to others, start putting appointments on your calendar for self-care or uninterrupted family time. If you are always running late, start scheduling your travel time as well. Healthy boundaries are essential for your mental health and well being. 

• Prioritize today. Narrow your focus from the overwhelming big picture to what is right in front of you. Try to stay as much in the present moment as possible. When spiraling out into the future or past, shift your focus and think about what you are going to make for dinner or what show to binge watch next. Live one day at a time. 

• Accurately identify your feelings. When feeling overwhelmed by emotions, it can feel like a giant knot of confusion and anxiety. Slowly untangling the knot by identifying all the emotions you are feeling can help you determine your next steps. For example, sometimes when I’m really tired, I think I’m sad. When I’m overwhelmed, I can’t always tell the difference until I slow down and reflect. If I’m sad I can try and cheer myself up. If I’m tired, I can take it easy and go to bed early. Knowing which feeling I’m actually working with helps me choose the best course of action.

• Curate your media. I do not advocate cutting out all news channels, but I do think at this time less is best. Read headlines, not the article. Limit social media time to 10-20 minutes a day, especially if you follow lots of politics. Curb any doom scrolling tendencies. Be mindful of what is on your TV playing in the background. Also, be aware that  the fictional shows you watch or games you play for fun influence your moods as well. Watching lighter fare like silly or sweet comedies rather than heavy, apocalyptic dramas will help you stay out of depressive moods or panic. 

• Positive planning. Focus on a positive occasion in the near future that takes some planning (1-3 months away) - birthday party, vacation, camping trip, graduation, etc. Research venues, make menus and guest lists. Replace watching the news or doom scrolling with party or vacation planning. 

• Prepare for the worst. This may sound counter-intuitive, but can be helpful when feeling out of control or powerless. Channel your worry about an issue by finding something to help you feel more in control if it happens. For example, after the big Texas freeze of 2021, I regularly worry about losing power and water for extended periods of time. So over the last few years I have slowly collected power banks, rechargeable lanterns, water purifiers, and a million other small things that will make me feel more secure and comfortable if it happens again. 

• Learn something new. Is there a hobby you always wanted to pick up or something that you have really wanted to learn about? Now’s the perfect opportunity! Trade time spent worrying with time baking bread, learning a new language, nature photography or becoming an

  expert on penguins! With so much information at our fingertips you can make it happen. You could even incorporate “preparing for the worst” into your learning by learning survival skills or indoor gardening. Added bonus - Learning new things actually releases dopamine! 

• Give back somehow. (foster an animal, volunteer at your spiritual community or local nonprofit, monthly financial recurring donation) This can help remind you that you have something to offer to make the world a better place and gives you the opportunity to “be the change you want to see in the world.” (Gandhi). Sometimes the act of providing a bright spot in someone else's day can brighten our own. If you feel like you have nothing to offer, you can start super small by just giving an object in one hand to the other hand. Then you can work up to giving a tissue to someone who is crying. Or a hug. 

If this list is helpful (or not) and you want to explore this topic further, below is an exercise to directly work with your personal overwhelm.

Exercise: Breaking it Down

When working with overwhelm, the first thing to do is break it down into parts. Start big, then go smaller.  Is the primary point of your overwhelm a lack of time, mental space, or emotional bandwidth? Or is it a combination of all 3? 

On a piece of paper create 3 columns. At the top of each column, write down the heading Time, Thoughts, and Emotions. Underneath each column write down 3 or more things that are sucking up all your bandwidth in these areas. 

Here’s an example of how it could look: 

Time  (What are you doing?)	Thoughts  (Where is your mind?)	Emotions  (How do you feel?)
Work project deadline	World collapsing	Anger/Rage
Mom’s birthday planning	Buying a new car	Panic
Taking kids to appointments	Friend’s surgery	Sadness/Loss

Now review each item in the Time column and prioritize them by assigning them a numeric value starting with 1. as the most urgent. As you review them, consider if there are any that you can delegate to someone else. For example, ask your sister to take over planning your Mom’s birthday party or enlist her best friend to make the cake. The idea here is to lighten your load.

Next, review each item in the Thoughts column and determine if it is something you can actually solve or not. Cross off anything that you have no control over, like the world collapsing. Then determine if there is any thought on the list that you CAN do something about. For example, rather than worrying about how your friend’s surgery will turn out, schedule a care package or meal delivery gift card for their recovery. Be sure you don’t add more than you can handle back onto your plate!

For Emotions, review each feeling and determine what actions, activities, or people make the feeling worse or better. If you feel helpless every time you watch the news, limit yourself to 20 minutes a day or only read the news from one source per day. If your anxiety gets worse when you talk with your sibling, try limiting contact until you are feeling better. Remember that these feelings will pass and you’ll feel better soon. 

Best of luck and please reach out or schedule a session if you are looking for more help. Take care of your precious self!

Intuitive Guidance

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